Grades

So, today, I got my grades for the first time since I have been in cooking school. Needless to say, I've been freaking out the past week. Or two weeks...but who's counting??

See, the thing is that I am a nerd who only got one B in high school and it was an 89.3 in Trigonometry and my teacher did not particularly care for me. So, take that B with a grain of salt. And while I have calmed down in grade obsession since high school (and have more friends now too...coincidence?), I was still an Honors Student in college and therefore mildly grade obsessed.

So to be cooking blindly (in terms of grades) for the past month has been a little nerve-wracking. Sure, I can tell myself that I am just here to learn. Let Go, Let Flow. Absorb the knowledge like my veins absorbing the massive amounts of butter.

But, if you know me, then you also know that I rarely let go (unless wine is involved) and find over-analyzing more of a lifestyle than a practice.

Grades here work like this:

-Everything is out of 5 points
-No one ever scores a perfect 5, ever.
-You are graded on many aspects including your appearance, organization, technique. Not just how your food tastes
-you are graded every kitchen practical in all of those aspects
-average is usually about a 3.0

So, I walked into the conference room this afternoon. The chef sat on one side of the table, the translator across from him with me at the head of the table. There was a piece of paper with my name and grade on it placed on the table where I was meant to sit.

Elyssa Kaplan: 3.398

I didn't actually sit down. I just kind of squatted and stared at it open-mouth agape.

"Are you okay? It's out of 5, not 10 points." The translator mis-read my inability to sit.

I have the second highest grade in the class. Granted, because I missed a class on Monday, I will get a zero and that average will drop me down. But, without my stupid mistake, I rate at nearly a 3.4 out of 5.

The chef continued to talk about how I need to work on my trussing of chicken and sauce consistency. For everything else, I am good.

"Did you not know that you are doing a good job in the kitchen?"

"No, I guess, I mean...I thought so, but...you know, I just...wasn't really sure...you..." I mumbled in return to the very nice chef (pictured with me in Student Dinner) because even if things feel right, you could be totally wrong. I guess I've been pretty right.

Fact is, this is not a joke. I can do this.
And I will only get better. I am determined.